I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize