Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
