Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
