Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
