Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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