What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
