can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
