It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
