Nicole vs. Life
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize