i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
