im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
