In the future we'll all be gay
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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