If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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