On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
