I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
