I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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