remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize