U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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