I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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