just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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