I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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