hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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