Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
