a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize