sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize