He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
