I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
