Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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