At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
