Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
