You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
