Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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