Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize