saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
