its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
