"it" just moved
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
