dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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