I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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