I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
