I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
