just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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