I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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