Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The air was thick with penises
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
