Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
