I hope mine doesn't look like that
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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