when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
