I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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