the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
