Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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