chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
