I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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