Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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