Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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