I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
