Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize