I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
