maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
