jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize