i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
