i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
