He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
