No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
