White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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