i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
