So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
