return my video game
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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